Q: "I have a girlfriend that I’ve been with for about two months and it’s been a fantastic relationship. Things are great, but I just want to know what I can do to make sure she stays interested – and satisfied in the bedroom!”–Juan
A: “The truth is, if you want to succeed at anything, you have to know that role inside and out – and that includes knowing your partner,” certified sex educator, Shan Boodram, says. In addition to clear and open communication, it’s important to pay attention to any nonverbal clues she gives you – all women have a “turn on” language, a style of romantic communication that will turn her on in the bedroom, as well.
1) DIRECT: Gets turned on by direct language
“This person gets turned on when you look them in the eyes and you tell them what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it,” Shan says. They’re very assertive and have no qualms expressing as much to their partner – and crave the same.
2) SENSUAL: Needs a state of calm to get in the mood
“This is the person who has to feel like they’re at peace before they can give you a piece of themselves,” Shan says. Other aspects of life need to be in order before sex can be on the table – the kitchen’s been cleaned up after dinner, there’s music on. It’s all about setting the mood and engaging the senses, so channel your inner romantic for this one.
3) MENTAL: Needs to connect mentally before physically
If your partner falls into this category, it’s important that you’re in the same headspace as her, Shan notes, so pay extra attention to her mood and what’s on her mind before trying to make something happen.
4) THE CAT: Comes to you when they’re ready
“Just like a cat, this is someone that they need some space,” Shan says. Word of caution: If you go to her before she’s ready, watch out, the claws might come out.
5) The NEGOTIATOR:. Uses sex as leverage
“Maybe somebody doesn’t think sex is the greatest incentive, so it has to be coupled with something else,” Shan explains. If you do something for her – help with the chores, run errands, etcetera – she’ll be inclined to do something for you.